her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need to get me chipped asap
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
