Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
