My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
