Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
