You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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