when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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