you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
