I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
