false alarm. still invincible.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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