you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern