Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
