Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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