you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
