I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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