rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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