Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
