I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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