Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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