New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
