Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
