All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
