but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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