Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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