i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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