She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
