U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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