Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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