He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
