Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
