Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
