oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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