Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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