Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
