I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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