Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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