Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is Oprah even human
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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