I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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