But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
