Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.