so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.