woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
