i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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