That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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