I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
