Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
