He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
