Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
