I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
