You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
