Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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