wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
