your parents love me but you hate me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
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if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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