Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I intend to get homeless drunk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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