I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
