He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
