She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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