I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
