my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
