3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
