My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
