don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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