Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
