Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
