I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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