Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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