Sry I called you an 8
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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