So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize