so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
