She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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