I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
