Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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