I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
