Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
