How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
